Landon's Birth Story - My VBAC!!!

This is going to be long…so get ready.  I am writing all of this because it has been such a journey of healing and redemption.  All along this journey, I found hope and encouragement from other birth stories on the Internet, mostly of women I had never met.  If my story can help just one girl prevent or heal from a traumatic birth, than its worth it.

This really all started with Grant’s birth.  I went to the hospital too early, had a cascade of interventions starting with artificial rupture of membranes and ending with c-section about 21 hours later.  I dilated completely and relatively quickly, however Grant was posterior and after more than 3 hours of pushing on and off, I had the c-section.  He was beautiful and healthy.  I spent the first 24 hours of his life drugged and very sleepy.  I don’t remember parts of the day.  It took me a long time to bond with him.  I had an extremely easy physical recovery from the surgery but emotionally I was a mess.  This combined with a very difficult start to nursing made for a very rocky first 2 months of his life.   I felt that my body couldn’t birth or feed my baby and I felt like a failure.  Looking back, I definitely had some postpartum depression. 

We made it through and Grant is my pride and joy.  I knew I was very blessed to have a healthy baby boy though I decided then that next time would be different.

I found out I was pregnant again about one month after Grant turned 1.  It was a bit of a surprise but very exciting.  I immediately started researching VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).   I knew that I had a long road of learning ahead of me.  I started going to ICAN (international cesarean awareness network) meetings.  They were extremely encouraging.  I wasn’t able to attend many with Jeff’s work schedule and taking care of Grant.   I hired a doula, Kimberly.  She herself had a C-section with her first and then 3 successful VBACs after that.  She is an RN and training to become a midwife.  She would be able to monitor me and baby at home during labor before we went to the hospital.  She would also be able to help with pain management techniques and guiding Jeff while I was in labor.  Jeff and I both knew that this was a great decision but didn’t know how much we needed her until labor actually began.  She was amazing.  I also watched the documentary “the business of being born.”  A few times.  And I made Jeff watch it a few times as well.  They also have a small documentary on VBAC which we both watched a few times.  Most of all, I chose to only discuss my plans for birth with the people closest to me and who I knew would be the most supportive.  The doctor I chose was very invested in my success with VBAC and never once mentioned scheduling a c-section.  I kept my weight gain to a minimum, ate very healthy, stayed very active and moving.  Jeff and I did the Hypnobabies home study.  We weren’t’ very good about reading scripts but I feel asleep to the CD tracks almost every night. 

Nearing the end of the pregnancy, I had a ton of practice contractions and I felt that labor started and stopped quite a few times.  I decided once to let the doctor check me at 38 weeks and I was already 3 cm dilated.  We were both encouraged knowing that my body was doing what it was supposed to be doing.  Little did I know my patience would be tested and baby would not come until just before 41 weeks.

As I passed my due date, I had many people checking in to see if baby was here yet, asking when I would be induced and what the “plan” was from my doctor.  This became very frustrating and I simply stopped replying or answering my phone.  I needed all of my strength to be patient and wait for this baby to pick his birthday.  I kept reminding myself that baby would come when he was ready, healthy and strong.

My patience paid off.  On Wednesday, May 22, the day before my 41 week appointment, I told my best girlfriend that I couldn’t take much more time.  That afternoon, Grant was full of energy and I took him to the pool.  We swam and swam and all of the sudden, he got out and ran all the way around the pool and behind some landscaping where our hot tub is.  He was out of sight and not listening, so I launched myself out of the pool and sprinted after him, worried that he jumped into the hot tub.  I immediately grabbed him and went home.  We showered and dressed and shortly after that I had to go to the bathroom.  I noticed I had a bit of blood and thought I noticed some water leaking (it wasn’t).  I knew labor would start soon, so I called Jeff (he was already on his way home), Kimberly, and Sarah (who was on call for Grant).  I went about making dinner.  We ate and at about 6:15 I had my first contraction.  The ones where you can’t talk or move through them.  I knew it was it.  I called Kimberly and Sarah again.

I told Sarah not to worry about getting grant until closer to his bed time but she insisted on coming on over just in case.  Thank goodness. She got there, Jeff got Grant all packed up and on his way.  Sarah also arranged for Jack to go stay with Ryan and Laura. 

Sarah tried some counter pressure on my back which didn’t feel good at all, and then suggested I try getting in the bath until Kimberly got there with the labor pool.  I did get in the tub and there I stayed for the majority of my labor.   This is where I start relying on Kimberly and Jeff’s accounts of everything that happened. 

I turned the shower on my back, had Jeff get my hypnobabies and relaxed in the tub.   Kimberly got to our house about 7:45.   I was so relaxed that Kimberly said she couldn’t’ tell when I was contracting.  Inside, it didn’t feel that way, but I was under control and taking them one at a time.  I kept whispering “open, open” to keep myself relaxed and not fighting the pain.  When Kimberly got there I remember telling her that my contractions were right on top of each other.  Shortly after that, I started shaking and shivering and wondering if I could continue.    Within a few minutes, my water broke.  Immediately the contractions intensified.  I couldn’t stay quiet and relaxed any more.  Kimberly suggested it was time to head to the hospital and Jeff ran around like a mad man packing the bag and the car.  Kimberly got me out of the tub, and I immediately had another contraction and got back down on my hands and knees.  I probably had 4 contractions just getting to the front door of the condo (from our guest bathroom).  And then I got outside.  A neighbor was coming in from parking her car.  I was so loud at this point.  I leaned on Jeff and had contraction after contraction while getting to the car.  I got in the car and leaned over the back of the back seat in our new Highlander.  Kimberly got in next to me and Jeff took off.  I think I yelled the entire way to the hospital as I was contracting.  We got to the front door of the hospital and I had another contraction just after I got out of the car.  Security brought a wheelchair and I kneeled on it and Kimberly took me up to labor and delivery while Jeff parked the car.  She stopped in the lobby to have me check to make sure baby was not crowning and then kept going.  There were people along the way directing us to the labor room. 

As we were pulling into labor and delivery I asked Kimberly for an epidural, and she blatantly said no.   At that point, I understood why women want pain relief during labor.  (I now can’t remember what that felt like at all)  They had a room open for us, and I remember Kimberly asking how they knew we were coming.  They said that security called ahead when we pulled up the car. Ha!  I got out of the wheelchair and immediately went down on all 4s again for another contraction on the hospital floor.   During that contraction, the nurse decided to check me for dilation.  She announced that I was complete and that I could go ahead and push.  It was almost funny because I had been pushing all the way there!  She took forever to check me and I yelled at her that it was enough.  Kimberly had me get up on the bed on all fours leaning over the back of the bed.   The nurses asked me if this was my first baby and if I had gone natural with the first one.  All I said was no, second baby, and no I didn’t go natural.  I did not tell them I was a VBAC.  They called my doctor and at some point learned that I was a VBAC and started panicking.  They immediately wanted to put me on the monitor for the baby’s heart rate.  I couldn’t stand anyone touching me, let alone a monitor strapped to my abdomen.  Apparently the nurse wasn’t very happy about me saying no to the monitoring and said something about hospital policy for VBACs.  Jeff jumped in and said thanks for letting us know, but its ok.  AT that point I did very sternly tell her that my baby was FINE.  I do remember thinking, the baby’s coming out…what point is there to monitor at this point?  They couldn’t have taken him my csection anyways! I did let them put the monitor on in between contractions and every time a contraction would come I would slap the nurses had away.   My doctor got there within 15 minutes of me getting there and told me how to push effectively.  Within 15 minutes, he was out.   She handed him up to me and I just sat there in awe that I just did it.  Three hours start to finish!  As soon as the doctor handed him up to me I looked to see if he was a boy or a girl.  Jeff announced later that he was a boy, but didn’t realize everyone already knew!   I finally got undressed and turned around to lay down on the bed and feed him. 

my "I did it!!!" smile

sweet boy.  8 pounds even, 20.5 inches

I still can’t believe I did it.  It was the most incredible experience of my life.  I feel like I could conquer the world after having a baby!  Everything about this time has been different.  Bonding was immediate, he nurses like a champ.  Not even a hint of depression this time.  I was awake and alert for his first days.  It was amazing.   Just knowing my body can do what it was made to do is healing.